WRITING FOR THE PROFESSIONS
WEEK 2 STYLE EXERCISES
SOME SUGGESTED ANSWERS

Rewrite the following sentences to eliminate wordiness. Make sure the original meaning is not lost. These are suggested answers only and there may be other ways of revising that work equally as well.

a) It has been my wish for a considerable period of time to gain entrance into the field of accounting. This is due to the fact that challenges of my intellect are what challenge me.

REVISION: I have long wished to become an accountant as I find it intellectually challenging.

COMMENT: There are several longwinded expressions in this sentence such as "a considerable period of time" and "field of accounting" which can be expressed more directly. The phrase "challenges of my intellect … " is not only confusing but is an example of tautology.

b) To me it appeared that Smith did not give any consideration whatsoever to the suggestion that had been recommended by the consultant.

REVISION: Smith appeared to ignore the consultant’s recommendation. OR Smith did not consider the consultant’s suggestion.

COMMENT: You should leave out "To me it appeared that … " as this can be inferred. Change "any consideration whatsoever …" back into its verb form "consider".

c) At this point in time we can't ascertain the reason as to why the screen door was left open.

REVISION: We don't know why the screen door was left open.

COMMENT: "At this point in time" can be left out as it can be inferred. "Ascertain the reason why" is rather pompous and longwinded. "We don't know why … " is a more natural expression. .

d) My sister, who is employed as a nutritionist at the University of Michigan, recommends the daily intake of megadoses of Vitamin C

REVISION: My sister, a nutritionist at the University of Michigan, recommends daily megadoses of Vitamin C.

COMMENT: Leave out "who is employed as … " because it can be implied. The word "intake" can be left out as "megadoses" implies the same thing.