Trying to get that job

John Smith is in the final year of a Bachelor of Business course at a NSW university. He is majoring in marketing. Among his many interests, he is an electronics enthusiast and has put together his own hi-fi system. He has also devised several computer games which he and his friends spend many hours playing on his father's PC.

Other relevant facts about John are that he studied Japanese for six years at high school, and although he is not fluent in the language, he is able to translate many simple words and phrases from Japanese into English and vice versa. John would like to work in the marketing department of one of the large importers of Japanese electronics when he graduates in a few months' time.

Here's a letter John wrote to the Australian marketing manager seeking an interview to discuss possible job vacancies.

Comment on the aspects of this letter which you believe are likely or unlikely to impress the potential employer either favourably or unfavourably. How could the letter be improved?

Rewrite it to make it clearer and more effective.

To whom it may concern.

Dear Sir

My name is John Smith, and I am a final year marketing student at the Henry Parkes University. During this course I have received failures in Maths for Business and Statistics, but have received good passes in Management Studies, Accounting and Business Law. I did not do very good at numbers subjects, but don't consider this important in marketing where it is better to be a smooth talker.

I plan to come to your office at two o'clock next Tuesday for an interview because I want to get a job with some company like yours real bad. I dont know very much about your company, but I'm not very particular about which one I work for, as long as you concerntrate on good hi-fi gear for my car.

I think I will be very good at marketing because it suits me personality, and I can earn lots of money without working too hard, and you don't need lots of brains to go around brainwashing people (thank goodness!)

Anyway, I expect to see you where you work next Tuesday.

Bye for now

Johnno Smith