PRINCIPLES OF PROFESSIONAL COMMUNICATION
WEEK 11 STYLE EXERCISES – REMOVING AMBIGUITY / WRITING POSITIVELY/ USING APPROPRIATE TONE
SOME SUGGESTED ANSWERS

Exercise 1: Rewrite the following sentences to improve the tone. Think about how you might react if addressed using these words. The first one is done for you.

1. That account of yours needs to be paid right now.

Suggested answer: Prompt payment of your account would be appreciated.

Explanation: The original too blunt. Both the original and the suggested answer are in the passive voice which is appropriate in this case if you wish to be tactful. If you wanted to be more direct and forceful (yet still polite), you could also say, You need to pay your account promptly.

2. Your stupid mistake is inexcusable.

Suggested answer: Your error has caused major problems for customers.

Explanation: The original uses the word 'stupid' which is unnecessarily inflammatory and derogatory. It also doesn't say why it was 'inexcusable'. You can be firm, yet direct. The suggested answer (there could be others), says what kinds of problems were caused as a result of the error.

 

Exercise 2: Rewrite the following sentences to improve the tone without changing the implied meaning. Think about how you might react if addressed using these words. The first one is done for you.

1. We cannot accept your statement that the goods were not properly packed, and we refuse to give you a refund.

Suggested answer: As our records show that the goods were dispatched with packaging intact, we are unable to refund the purchase price. However, if you return them to the store, we will arrange a repair or replacement at a discounted price.

Explanation: The original is too blunt and accuses the customer of lying. Tell them how you might be able to help them in other ways.

2. If you think the CDs are faulty, return them to the store.

Suggested answer: You are welcome to return any faulty CDs to the store and we will arrange a replacement.

Explanation: The implication of “if you think that ... ” implies that the customer may not be telling the truth or may be stupid. Leave those kinds of implied comments out just tell them how their problem might be solved.

 

Exercise 3: Read the following statements. Write a brief comment on how a reader might react to these in a business letter. Be specific (ie give an example from the sentence) to support your comment. Rewrite the sentence using a more tactful tone.

1. We can’t get onto the bloke who sold you the furniture.

Suggested answer: We are unable to contact the salesperson who sold you the furniture.

Explanation: This is very colloquial: “we can't get onto ... ” and “the bloke who sold you ... ”. Doesn't sound very professional.

2. My secretary informed me that the mistake was definitely not hers.

Suggested answer: We will rectify the error as soon as possible.

Explanation: This implies that the mistake was yours. Again, avoid these kinds of accusations (even if they are true), and just say what you will do.